Writing

In week 4 - 6 we started doing our writing. My teacher told us to make a writing that convince our parents to buy our pet and here is my draft, my final, my feedback from my buddy.  

Draft:

I would  really really love to have a red panda. (Please give me one). Why? because I can keep them inside, I can bring them to school secretly, I can train her/him and lastly she will look like a panda (of course it will look like panda because it says red panda) and he/she look like fox in the same time.

It would be really cool to have a red panda except I can’t have one because it maybe expensive for my parents to buy. It maybe expensive at least I can show you why I want it, anyways when I’m always got bored if always go to Chromebook but sometimes if I always go to my Chromebook I got bored. Sometimes I just want to think what pet should I pick? or what would his/her name?

If it’s nice and sunny outside I could play with him/her and try to train him to climb trees like other red panda (I wish you understand why I want it).

Comment by my buddy (Lasa):

I think that you have wonderful ideas.  I think that you need to work on helping it make sense like how you said “I can train him/her and lastly she/him look like panda.” But overall it was a great piece of writing. Keep up the good work.

Final:

I would  really really love to have a red panda. (Please give me one). Why? I can keep them inside, I can bring them to school secretly, I can train him and lastly he look like a panda (off course it will look like panda because it says RED PANDA) and she will look like fox in the same time.

It would be really cool to have a red panda except I can’t have one because it may sure be expensive for my parents to buy. It maybe expensive at least I can show you why I want it, anyways when I’m always bored I could always go to chromebook but sometimes if I always go to my chromebook I got bored easily. Sometimes I just want to think what pet should I pick? or what would his/ her name?

Anyways If it’s nice and sunny outside I could play with her and try to train him to climb trees like other red panda (I wish you understand why I want it). I will be really happy if I got a red panda. At Least just one red panda I will be really really happy.  

This is my writing I hope you enjoy it.